How to Visit the Kingdom of Mycene and Stay Alive: Part Two

Mycene2.jpg

“Alright, now that we've dispensed with the basic stuff, let's talk about how to stay alive as a tourist in Mycene. First thing first: there are dumb tourists and smart tourists. A dumb tourist is a dead tourist. A smart tourist is one who follows my advice.

Here's how Myceneans can tell if a man is a tourist: he wears a toga, his head is shaved, and he sips from a gourd while he strolls on the beach.

Togas are worn in Mycene only during two religious ceremonies. I won't tell you which ones; you'll forget and it’s not important for you to know. All you need to know is DON'T WEAR TOGAS. 

A fully shaved head in Mycene is reserved for the high priests. You're no high priest or else you would be walking accompanied. So don't pretend to be one. Don't shave your head. 

Myceneans find it extremely rude if someone is walking and sipping because in Mycene— as elsewhere, so you should know that— masters sip while slaves stand by. If you walk around and you're sipping from a gourd, you're telling every passerby who is not sipping a drink that they are slaves. So don't do it.

If you are a woman, don’t wear white, don’t wear black and don’t wear a necklace as a head-cover. White is for wives of priests, black is for priestesses and necklace over the head is for the type of service you do not care to offer. Wear a dress above the knee if you would like to be confused with a sacred slave to the Temple of Harides, the goddess of love and good fortune. Wear a sleeveless dress if you’re pretending to be a maidservant to a childless mistress. Finally, if you’re walking, do not talk: slaves are forced to talk and walk, while their mistresses enjoy the landscape. So enjoy what you see, and wait until you're in a private setting to talk about it.

One last thing: wear no more than two rings per hand, no more than two earing and no more than two necklaces. The number two is considered a sign of modesty; one is a sign of authority and three a sign of wealth. So, unless you’re walking surrounded by bodyguard, stick to two.

Next: what you should know if you're going to keep your purse.”